Save your loved ones by throwing them a line on what they need to know if you are incapacitated or dead. (image CC0 via Pixabay) — Save your loved ones by throwing them a line on what they need to know if you are incapacitated or dead. *(image CC0 via* *Pixabay*)

Last post, I covered making a simple folder as a proactive step to dealing with emergencies. In this ICE (In Case of emergency) folder is the information necessary to get accurate, personal medical treatment, whether for COVID-19 or something else. I also encouraged doing an uncomfortable exercise: writing thoughts on your funeral preferences.

With the basics already covered, it’s time to add in more pieces of information. By no means is this a complete list of what would be good to have in such a folder. These are a few things you can add piecemeal that make life easier for your caretakers or survivors. Nothing in this folder needs to be perfect. It doesn’t have to cover everything and every possibility. You don't even have to tell people about what is inside. I recommend talking to them about it's contents, but that's not necessary. All your loved ones need to know is that it exists and where to get it, should the need arise. You can keep your ICE on ice, as it were.

Helpful Item #1 – An account of your accounts.

In the event that someone else piloting your life, or dealing with your death, they're going to need to know where you kept financial assets. This list should include things like:

bank accounts;
loans, including credit cards;
401K or other retirement accounts;
safety deposit boxes (and their keys!);
rented storage facilities;
additional properties;
vehicles you don’t keep at home, and;
where you’ve stashed cash around your home.

For security reasons, the complete list doesn’t have to be in the ICE folder. You can make the list, store it somewhere safe, and then put a note in the ICE folder of where to find said list.

“My last will and testament” not necessary. (image CC0 via Pixabay) — “My last will and testament” not necessary. *(image CC0 via* *Pixabay*)

Helpful Item #2 – Your un-legal will

Note that this isn’t an illegal will; you’re not breaking any laws in doing this (I hope). This is a list of your thoughts on disposing of material objects that your survivors will have. Is there something in your possession that you promised to someone specific? Make a note of that. Do you have a hobby that your survivors might not take part in or want items from, but that you know a friend would? Write down what items those are and the name(s) of people you think would take and appreciate them.

It’s critical to note that none of what you write down here is—so far as I know—legally binding. If the person or people in legal charge of your stuff after you die don’t want to do anything you’ve written down, they cannot be made to do so. However, barring a big legal tussle, or emotions preventing them from doing so, these notes can make it easier to know what to do with your stuff. Having this information can be gratifying and soothing for a grieving person. It can turn an angst-filled exercise in disposing of a weird statue into a meaningful memento by returning an inside joke to a friend.

Just how far do you want them to go? (image CC0 via Pixabay) — Just how far do you want them to go? *(image CC0 via* *Pixabay*)

Helpful Item #3 – Thoughts on Preferred Medical Treatment

Foremost, remember that I’m not an attorney, and even if I was, I’m not your attorney, so nothing here is real, legal advice. As with your un-legal will, nothing you write down for this exercise is legally binding. This is especially true because not having properly done and filed legal paperwork for medical treatment ensures that your wishes will not be followed. That is, if you don’t have a proper “Do Not Resuscitate” order filed at the hospital you are at, you will be resuscitated.

Still, it could be beneficial to have your personal thoughts to guide your loved ones, should they find themselves in the predicament of having to choose the extent of medical interventions. It may make a painful time with terrible choices a little easier to deal with, both during and afterwards.

These lists can be of great help, though some may seem less important. You may feel it’d be easy to find and close of all your accounts. If so, take a moment to think about how well you can, right now, accurately list all the accounts and assets of your parents or a best friend. Are you sure you won’t forget something while in shock and overwhelmed? Spare your loved ones the hassle and make a list.

Inheritance decisions can also be emotionally and mentally draining. Those decisions could hurt others’ feelings, so it seems easier to not bother. But if you think it’s going to cause a problem to write it down now, while you’re alive, how much more of a problem will it be when you aren’t? Even if it’s not much, giving some idea of what to do will ease the process and reassure them.

It’s going to be a dark time no matter what; having an ICE folder ready provides just a little light. (image CC0 via Pixabay) — It’s going to be a dark time no matter what; having an ICE folder ready provides just a little light. *(image CC0 via* *Pixabay*)

Even more than your funeral and will, considering the extent medical treatment is uncomfortable. It can feel awkward, even “wrong”, to actually write those thoughts down. Again, consider how you would feel if you were suddenly being asked what medical procedures to do while a loved one cannot communicate. How comfortable would you feel making those decisions? Wouldn’t you feel better, more assured, in deciding if you had even some directions from that person? Give them that same courtesy.

The greatest obstacle in adding these pieces is the recognition that someone other than you might see it. Especially, that they might see what you’ve written before you’re in an actual emergency. It could make you want to not do these things at all. Or, it might make you feel like it must be perfectly laid out and couched in such a way that whoever is reading it isn't hurt. As anxiety-inducing as it is, not doing it—or twisting what you say to prevent pain—is not helpful.

Yes, someone is going to open this folder and find what’s inside at some point. Yes, they will be hurt. In all likelihood, though, it’s going to be when you are unconscious, dying or already dead. In other words, they’re going to be reading it while already hurting. They will already be in pain, and in the middle of an emergency where they may need this information.

Your ICE folder is there to make things easier to manage when the time comes. Like a fire extinguisher, it’s not going to prevent the fire or the damage, but it can lessen the how devastating the experience of that fire is.

Doing a little bit here and there, adding to your folder as you can, means you’ll have everything needed in a life and death emergency in one place. Though you may never get to hear it, you will have provided an invaluable resource to the people you care about. Your care for them will be evident and appreciated.